Even though it seems like it is taking this child lifetimes to arrive, her official due date isn’t until tomorrow. After my doctor visit this afternoon, I feel like there is a good chance she will excel in the art of being right on time (keeping my fingers crossed for this since her father is chronically never on time, and refuses to see a problem with it). My membranes were stripped (again) and I am two centimeters dilated…which really means absolute crap since there are women who go weeks at 2cm dilated. But I am striving to stay positive here…and the mentrual-like cramps that have plagued me for three days are leading me to believe that something is going to happen soon. Also? I’m running out of things to do here at home, so it must be time. Actually, that’s not true…I have plenty of things to do, but all I really end up doing is laying down on the bed/couch/chair…and then walking around for a couple minutes before I plop down again and whine to whoever will listen about how I JUST WANT HER OUT!!!!
Does it make me a bad mother that I want to evict my daughter? I mean, if I could send someone in to physically remove her from the premises I would do it in a heartbeat. It’s not like she’s been the best tenant, have you seen my KNEES?! No? You haven’t? Well NEITHER HAVE I! I have these large, round stumps where the knees used to be, and if she doesn’t move out soon, I fear that I may never recognize my body again. Tony has been coping with these changes fairly well…he only called me Chubs once today (although it’s only 5pm).
There is good news! Well, the most obvious being the fact that Antonia will be here so soon, and when I actually let myself think about it, the thought of her is so overwhelming that I immediately push it out of my head. I just can’t imagine what Tony and I are going to feel, and how much our lives are going to change, and how much love we are going to have for this little girl. And when my doctor told me that he would induce Saturday morning if she didn’t come on her own, it all became immediately real. I’m going to meet my daughter for the first time this week…and I can’t wait to show her how much I love her (and how much knees should never look like this).