Last night was our second childbirth preparation class, and while I whole-heartedly believe that these classes can be beneficial if new parents want them to be, there are definite awkward and somewhat useless moments. Overall, Tony is liking them…I think they make him feel more prepared, and I certainly like that he is hearing over and over again that I will probably be a complete and total bitch to him…and that it is OKAY! Of course, I will do my best to not be this way, but having someone in my corner sends relief through me like a warm breeze.
So the instructor informed us at the start of class that it would be “movie night” and that we were going to watch videos of three live births. I was nervous that Tony would find this completely revolting…but to my surprise, he informed me that his history of watching porn has led him to be desensitized to anything vagina-related. The only thing that he did find less-than-appealing was that the vaginas in question on the screen were not more groomed. He said he understood that it’s difficult to see past your belly when you are pregnant, but that the women should have asked their husbands to help tidy them up a bit…after all…their vaginas were about to be FAMOUS! He also commented that he felt awkward watching these films, not because he didn’t like the gooey gore, but because it was such an intimate moment in these families lives…he felt as if he was intruding. After listening to all of this, I couldn’t help but wonder how much these women got paid. I mean, how much is enough to spread your legs for birthing classes across the nation? Complete strangers watch them become the devil’s spawn on big projector screens (which, by the way, makes everything coming out of their vaginas look thirty-five times larger and more IN YOUR FACE than necessary).
The husbands walk out of the rooms at break guilty and confused because, A) they just viewed another woman’s crotch WHILE SITTING NEXT TO THEIR WIVES and B) It didn’t turn them on at all! It’s all very amusing…
I will probably never know everything that goes through Tony’s head during these classes, although he is pretty vocal about most of them. I do know that this third trimester is the most excited I’ve seen him since the day he found out I was pregnant. It has become a reality, and not a negative one. He constantly talks to her and kisses my belly and pushes on her to make her kick me. He is so excited to see her and to hold her and to love her…it’s just wonderful.
The instructor informed us that we allowed to have a coach and a support person in the delivery room with us and that all other family will be able to visit during visiting hours after we are transferred to the postpartum unit. Tony turned to me in all seriousness and asked, “who is your coach?”
I looked at him like he was nuts…”YOU are!”
“REALLY?! I thought it was your mom!”
I don’t know where his head is sometimes, but he was so excited to be my “coach” I thought the smile on his face was going to be stuck there for life. And then he said,
“Ok, then your mom can be the offensive coordinator.”
This is going to be quite a game…