Nikol: Where are we eating tonight?
Tony: We have those gift cards for the Olive Garden.
Nikol: I know, but it’s our FIRST ANNIVERSARY…let’s go somewhere nice…like, a DATE!
Tony: Ok, I guess I can spend the money since I didn’t buy you a gift.
Tony: I mean, our anniversary is so close to Christmas that it’s crazy to buy another gift…
Tony: You didn’t buy me a gift, did you?
Nikol: …OF COURSE I DID IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY!
Tony: ….great. I’m a cliche.
Nikol: That’s ok…now you know that anniversaries are important to me, so you’ll be ready next year. Even though, it is still going to be close to Christmas. Right?
Nikol: And if our daughter is born on my birthday, it will not negate my birthday present, right? RIGHT?!
Later at dinner (at very nice restaurant)…
(Nikol gives Tony his gift and Tony is visibly uncomfortable)
Tony: I just feel so stupid that I didn’t get you anything.
Nikol: Babe, I’m really not mad. I mean, it’s another double standard. The wife is supposed to be thin and hot and smart ALL THE TIME, and she has to keep the house clean and dinner made…and the man is expected to buy an expensive dinner AND a nice gift for all special occasions. So…this year I’m fat and pregnant and too tired to have dinner made every night and you are paying the bill at an expensive restaurant but don’t have a gift for me on our anniversary. We’ll get better at this by next year.
Tony: Yeah, I mean if we did everything right the first time, we wouldn’t have room to improve. Since we’re starting out so poorly, we can only get better at this.