Nikol:  Good Morning, Babe [kisses forehead].

Tony:  Hi [half asleep]

Nikol:  I’m late

Tony:  Really?!  Did you take a test?

Nikol:  No, I’m late for work

Tony:  oh.

It’s Month #2, and we are doing our best to wait patiently.  More than likely, we won’t know one way or the other until next week, so in the meantime we just torture ourselves by watching shows like, “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” and “Obese and Pregnant” on The Learning Channel.  Tony is amazed at how there are so many people in this world who don’t even try, or sometimes don’t even want, to be pregnant…and they are.  And when I tell him that I feel like we will never get there, he says, “you know how great writers are tortured souls and that’s what makes their writing so good?  If you never have a baby, you will be a tortured soul and an amazing writer!”

Ummmm…remind me not to go to my husband when I need a little pick-me-up… 

Of course, he was teasing me…because that’s his favorite thing to do.  But there is some truth to what he says, and I find myself not worrying one way or the other.  Instead, I’m trying to prepare myself for either possibility…life with children and life without.  I want to have a happy, fulfilled life either way…and so I’m just breathing in and out and trying to pay close attention to the way the air smells in the summertime.

It smells like freeze tag and lightening bugs.

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