So Tony says baby-making sex is boring. Mostly because I want it to be sweet and loving and parent-like since, you know, we’re trying to MAKE A MIRACLE HERE! But without spilling too many beans about our sex life…I’ll just say that this is not the norm in our house. It also tends to feel a little bit like we’re making a movie and there is a room full of cameras and people in our bedroom (I assure you that there are not). We are very aware that we are trying to build a person (did anyone else just have a vision of us sitting on the floor building a baby out of Legos?), and when people tell you to “just relax and have fun” do they remember what this was like for them?
Our thought patterns go a little something like this:
Nikol: Ok, this goes here, and then he does that, and then I do this…oh wait…maybe we should do this…God, I’m fat…
Tony: My face just grazed her chin hair…it’s rough like a beard! Robert DeNiro has a beard…I’m having sex with Robert DeNiro! No…wait…my wife…sex…baby…sex…beard – stop it! –
We are now in the “two week wait” as I’m told it is called, and then we will either a) have a menstrual period (and by “we” I really mean “we” because LORD HAVE MERCY, Tony has to put up with my incessant bitchiness!), or b) have a little bean growing in my uterus. And so…we wait.
While we wait, I find that I play little games with myself…almost like I want to trick myself into thinking I really don’t want to be pregnant just so my body will say, “too bad, SUCKA!” and make me pregnant anyway. But then other times, I just daydream about what it would be like. And then OTHER times I freak out because who in their right mind would give us a child?! In the end…I still have the same attitude as always…whatever is meant to be will be.
If it’s not meant to be this month…then we really need to nix the “baby-making” sex…and I need to wax my chin.