I thought about keeping our plans a secret, but then I realized that, 1. There are very few people who read this blog and 2. I already kept the wedding a secret from most of my family, so I really would like to start this part of our life out in the open. We can use the support and the prayers. Also, there might be people out there frantically googling their hearts out in an effort to find couples in a similar situation to their own, and maybe they will find comfort knowing that they aren’t the only ones feeling the way that they are feeling (the exact emotion changes every 3-5 minutes).
Me: I think we should start thinking about working on getting pregnant. If it happened now, we would be safe since I will have already graduated from nursing school when the baby is born, and let’s face it…we’re old.
Tony: [falls off the couch and dies]
After a long, emotional, loud, INTENSE conversation that started off innocent enough and ended with us somehow being even closer than when we started…we decided to start trying to get pregnant. Ummm…not immediately following our conversation because, well, we were exhausted. And in case you were wondering…we won’t be doing that part out in the open (as might have been suggested in paragraph one)
Every day, Tony gets a little more comfortable with the idea of being a father. But anyone who knows Tony, knows that this scares the shit out of him. I mean the man is literally constipated. But he assures me and reassures me that he is jumping in with both feet and that he is as ready as he’s ever going to be so “let’s do this thing”. I know he will be a great dad, and I just can’t wait for him to know it too. He continues to quiz EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. with whom he comes into contact on a daily basis, and just yesterday he told me the lovely story of how he stopped at the corner store for lunch and told the girl at the counter that he was having a rough day. She began sympathizing with him because she went out over the weekend and Mondays suck, and blah blah blah, and Tony said, “No, I’m stressed out because I’m trying to get my wife pregnant”. And then the two old men who worked there said, “Oh! Well, that’s a good reason to be tired! Too bad once the little one gets here you’ll only be tired from THAT about once a month – IF YOU’RE LUCKY!”
Ok, TIME OUT, People! Stop saying things like this to my husband! He absurdly BELIEVES EVERYTHING that random people say to him and confuses them for marriage counselors and sex therapists. So unless you are one of these people, please don’t let him suck you in to his paranoia. The man is more afraid of losing sex on a regular basis than he is of losing his life to cancer, so please…I’m begging you…don’t encourage him. We have FINALLY had a breakthrough wherein Tony is agreeing to “think positive”, you know, sort of like an “innocent until proven guilty” frame of mind. This, I HOPE, will facilitate communication and less freak-outs stress so that we can move forward and learn and grow together instead of constantly being afraid to grow up progress.
He has his sweet moments too, and these are the ones that let me know that I’m not dragging him through the days of the week on a leash, but instead, he is really with me on this decision. For instance, he came to bed at whatever ungodly hour that man decides to sleep and wrapped his arms around me and said, “we’re going to make a really good mommy and daddy. I know someday I’m going to thank you for this.” [And then my heart broke and I died]
You would be amazed at the amount of information that goes into making a baby! Especially when you hear stories about people who “accidentally” got knocked up during a drunken night of chaotic sexcapades! The timing of this is actually perfect because I am currently in my obstetrics/pediatric clinical rotation in school, and as we speak…I am knee-deep in maternity/pregnancy-related textbooks.
The cruel truth is that I am over 30 (and so is my husband), so the chances of us actually conceiving each month is only about 15%. The average amount of time it takes someone my age to become pregnant is about 9-12 months. I figure taking Tony’s age into consideration adds about 3-4 additional months. So if we’re lucky, we’ll have a bun in the oven by the time I’m 32. This information…is depressing. But Tony and I are both pretty much used to working our asses off for the things we want in life.