Friday and Saturday nights were spent supporting Tony while he played with a local cover band here in Cleveland.  When I say it’s a local cover band, what I really mean is these guys are celebraties to drunk girls ages twenty-one and up.  I will admit to you that I am amazed at how slutty forward women can be when you place a nerd with a guitar in front of them.  I witnessed the flashing of boobs, the lifting of skirts, the shameless clawing and tugging on ties and whispers in ears.  I stood back and thought to myself, “Did I ever act this way?”  The answer, of course, is no.  Does this make me better than them?  No.  Does it make me boring?  No. 

It just makes me his:

Being a musician myself, and having grown up with musicians, I think this whole scene can be quite a cause for failed relationships, broken marriages, one-night stands and itchy crotches caused by STD’s…it’s a mine field.  But on the other hand, there are a few out there who have the potential to do what they love while hanging on to their integrity…and their girlfriends.  And Tony is one of them.  He made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl there, even if I did opt to keep my shirt on.

He sounded amazing.  I’ve heard him play countless times, but he outdid himself and I sat at the bar grinning like an idiot because I was so proud.

Wouldn’t you be?

Before we went to the bar where Tony was playing, we stopped at the bar across the street.  There was a mechanical bull.  And I rode it.  Twice.  And today I feel like I had an orgy with 4 llamas and an elephant.  You would be amazed how in shape you really must be to ride this thing gracefully, and so you can imagine how graceful I wasn’t.  Especially when I was trying to GET ON the stupid thing.  I will be going back…and I will conquer the mechanical bull.

But the highlight of the evening was when Nan, Kelley and I went to the ladies’ room at about 1am, and when we opened the door this girl was bent over, squatting, while WIPING HER CROTCH in the middle of the bathroom!  Her friend tried to move her along since people were trying to get by, and she yelled, “Bitch! Why are you always rushing me?”  She proceeded to lift her leg (she was wearing a dress) onto the sink so that her vagina was reflecting in the mirror and said, “What I NEEDS you to do, is put my sandal on!”  We were laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.  But I totally wouldn’t have wiped myself in front of everyone, don’t worry

There’s a reason I only go out sporadically these days.  The men never get naked.