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I used to find comfort in knowing that while I am sitting at a desk for nine hours in an office where the walls are painted muted beige and the closest thing to a private conversation is sitting in an open cubicle talking to Nan about period cramps while my coworkers walk by and pretend not to hear me, most of the country is doing the same. But this isn’t true. I know this isn’t true because today I learned that no one really works. No one is walking the halls of business offices or pretending to work while they play free cell on their PC’s. Instead, they are all at PANERA!

After getting my afternoon workout in by walking laps around the tables full of people who weren’t at work while simultaneously balancing my broccoli cheese soup in one hand and my books and laptop in the other, I finally found a seat by the window. And after I sat there for three seconds I figured out why it was vacant…because from the vent in the ceiling a cold draft was blowing directly on the back of my neck and every time my eyes slid over the words and diagrams in my anatomy book, my brain repeatedly screamed, “YOU’RE COLD! YOU’RE COLD! YOU’RE COLD!” So as soon as the old couple with the walker and the cane and the trays and the big purse and the newspaper and the shuffling were finished in the booth by the wall, I moved.

But then? The battery on my laptop died. And I needed an outlet. But the only outlet was by the table with the coldness. So I walked to the other side of the restaurant to refill my drink to scope the place out for another outlet. When I finally found one, I was so completely irritated that I packed up my things and left.

Now, I am home and in about five minutes I will attempt this studying thing once again. At the rate I’m going, I will be an anatomy expert by never-thirty.

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