I got my period yesterday (now THAT is an attention-grabber, no?). I was in the most excrutiating, someone-poke-my-eye-out-with-a-fire-stoker, pain of my LIFE! Okay, well maybe not my whole life because I would bet my socks (because they’re actually Tony’s socks) that I will be in the same agony again next month.

Anyway, I was in pain? And this was part of the reason I could not act my age? And also? My doctor doesn’t want to believe me when I tell her that I am a Menstrual Werewolf who attacks innocent bystanders seven-to-ten days before my uterus sheds it’s stupid lining that contains hundreds of eggs that are WASTED because they were not fertilized. (SIDENOTE: Do you people know how bitter I am about the FIXED number of eggs I was born with? So bitter.) So yeah, she totally doesn’t believe me and supposedly prenatal vitamins are supposed to help even out my hormones, but I am skeptical. Why? Oh, maybe because my hormones LAUGH in the face of nutrients and minerals. LAUGH, I TELL YOU! And not the funny, ha ha, laughing. They laugh that evil, maniacal, giggle that makes Tony hide in the office pretending to do important things like upgrade the Mac to 10.5 and stare in wonderment at the dual monitors. DUAL MONITORS! I digress…

My point is this: I was in pain yesterday and I wanted to die. So I went to bed at 8pm only to be awakened numerous times by someone stabbing thumbtacks in my gut backwards. During one of my awake periods, Tony laid next to me and said, “You act different when you’re on your period.” And then I threw my clock at his head and said, “You act different when you’re head hurts.”