Sometimes I can’t bring myself to care. The weekend strolls in with it’s sleeping in late (7am instead of 6am – WHOOPEE!) and I get all, “where are my sweatpants?” I am aware of the fact that I should get dressed “for real”, you know, in a cute top because these two days in the whole wide week are the only two days I don’t have to wear my black pants, the black pants that I wear EVERY SINGLE DAY and have worn for the ENTIRE YEAR that I’ve worked at this job (I wish I was joking), the black pants that now have a hole in the waistband and yet are still wonderfully dependable.
Instead, I found myself driving to Walmart last weekend in a spandex tank top and old jeans flipping and flopping my way down the detergent aisle. No makeup. No running a brush through my hair. I couldn’t help but be a little self-conscious. I felt the chunk pooching out, and the paleness of my skin blinding the poor woman I almost flattened with my cart. But when I walked outside after checking out and was loading my bags into the truck, I could feel someone staring at me. Immediately, I thought, “Of course someone is staring at you, Nikol, you look like a chunky, soon-to-be-thirty-year-old-FATTY!”
When I looked up I saw this guy driving a Doritos truck. Now when I say he was the Doritos Driver, I don’t mean he was a middle-aged, beer-gutted, tobacco-chewing Doritos Driver. I mean he was a TWENTY-SOMETHING GUY, as in, “this is my summer job until I go back to college where I’m studying to be AMAZING at EVERYTHING.” And? He was staring at me. And as I’ve already pointed out to you, I was in no shape to be stared at. I looked away quickly after making eye contact (Stupid! Stupid!). I closed the door after loading the last bag, and he yelled out his window, “Nice body!”
Wait, huh? Me? I seriously looked around in a complete circle to be sure he wasn’t talking to someone else because seriously? Me? I am at least twenty pounds overweight and wearing SPANDEX! I smiled and quickly got into the truck. “He is totally just trying to sell Doritos to the chunky girl!”, and this, I said out loud. He drove around the parking lot until his truck was in front of mine, put his head out the window, winked at me, and drove away. I was completely shocked. I hadn’t been hit on like this since I was cute and 22!
I know, I know, he was the DORITOS TRUCK DRIVER! But shut up, you guys. Sometimes a girl just needs to feel pretty.