Thursday I completed my last exam in Anatomy I, and I am patiently awaiting my grades so that I can be reimbursed the $1000+ I paid for someone to make my life utter hell. I wish I could say that I would be using this money to buy a new wardrobe, or have new carpet installed in the house. But what I’m really doing with that money is providing my checking account with a positive balance once again, so that I can exhale.

To pass the time over the weekend, I cleaned out the garage. Do you understand what this means? I don’t think you do. The Garage was once a place where Tony would come home from a construction job and strip, leaving his mud/glue/dirt crusted clothes in a pile on the cement floor next to half empty paint cans and scrap metal. The Garage was the place where he would smoke, putting out the butts of his cigarettes in water bottles and leaving them on random shelves. Not one water bottle, but many, many water bottles. The Garage was literally The Garbage Can, and anything that should have been put neatly and immediately into a garbage bag and taken to the tree lawn on garbage day, was instead, thrown into the middle of the floor. Because that is obviously where the fairies would land to whisk the filth away.

When I first started dating Tony, I was having so much fun spending time with him that I didn’t take notice of the house or the garage. But the more time I spent there, the more I realized that if I didn’t start sifting through some of the trash, it would inevitably come to life and kill us both. I started in one room and made a path to the rest of the rooms, gradually purging and cleaning and transforming, in the past 10 months. Finally, FINALLY! I’ve made it to the garage, and I am happy to report that I would now voluntarily camp out on that garage floor. Better yet, I would volunteer Tony to sleep out on that garage floor if he ever lets it get that disgusting again.

Moving on, this week begins the Basement Project wherin I (with the help of my amazing mom) rejuvenate a piece of furniture with a bit of paint and new hardware (move over HGTV!), paint the walls and rip out the carpet. The Basement Project is going to be a big one because Tony will also be installing a new bathroom complete with shower. Oh, we have such plans! At the top of the list, right underneath “Pretend We Have Money To Pay For All This” is “Tony to Look into Man-Whoring: Pro’s and Con’s”. Ladies? Please make out your checks to me and it’s totally extra if you want him to take you out first…we’re looking to make money here, mkay?