I contemplated chopping myself off at the waist and sending my lower half to the curb for the raccoons to munch on. Because life is cruel, and cruelty reveals itself in the form of Urinary Tract Infections, Constipation and Hemorrhoids, AT THE SAME TIME! I had such good intentions for the evening, things such as organizing closets and working out (gasp!). But then I couldn’t convince my bladder to calm down on the way home and was forced to attempt urination in a Wendy’s bathroom and I wanted to pass out from the mere torture of living. By the time I got home I was focused only on finding my prescription from the last UTI outburst, and when I found it, I kissed it, popped one of those suckers in, took a shower, and went to bed.

I am feeling better today, but I have nothing to share with you which saddens me. Although I would wager a hefty penny that you think I’ve already shared too much, which makes me laugh.

* Name the movie and we will be best pals.