Dear Nikol,
I’m about to be 50, I’m overweight and I need a new job. My oldest daughter can’t wait to move out and go to college and my 15 yr old wants to drive and my husband wants……well forget what he wants, sometimes I’m too fat to think about it, which brings me back to the beginning. See? its a cycle. Please tell me what to do.

and…..chunk is real…isn’t he?
I think some of his relatives are living with me.on me.

Yours Truly,
Fat Farkash

Dear Fat Farkash,

First of all…what do YOU want?

You are about to be 50…which, the way I see it, is awesome! You are beginning a whole new part of your life that can go whichever way YOU CHOOSE IT TO! Your daughter can’t wait to get out and go to college…YAHOO!!!! Now, I know this can be hard for mothers and daughters because my own mother was very sad and depressed when I left for Tennessee at age 18. However, our bond that we have now has never been stronger. My advice to you is to take the time away from her to find the things that you enjoy and DO THEM! You have spent 18 years living for her, and now you get to live for you again. I guarantee it will be enlightening, and hopefully exciting. Which leads me to the weight…perhaps one of the things you can do for you is to make a goal for yourself. Promise yourself that you will improve one thing about your health between the time your daughter leaves and the next time you see her. Continue to do this in between visits, and you are sure to see results (she will see them too, and her encouragement will motivate you even more!).

And THEN…once you start to feel better about yourself, you won’t mind giving your husband what he wants because YOU’LL PROBABLY WANT IT TOO! As a fellow woman (and farkash), I know what it’s like to feel less than desireable when your body is not what you want it to be. But if your husband wants you now, he’ll sure as hell want you when you feel good about yourself! Clue him in on your goals and ask him to be patient with you. Maybe you can even work on those goals together and reward yourselves with something kinky…ahem…I mean…uh…fun.

Your job. Let me be a complete hypocrite and say that if you don’t like your job, you should find one that you do like. However, in saying this, I should also say that you should take your time in figuring out what you really want to do, and don’t move on until you know for sure. We all have bills to pay and groceries aren’t cheap, so don’t make a rash decision. But definitely do something about it if you’re unhappy. Even if it takes a good part of a year. Make a plan and then break it up into monthly baby-steps (envision Bill Murray in “What About Bob”). There’s something to that baby-steps method, and if you’re anything like me and my crazy Attention Defecit Disorder, Baby Steps will become your best friend. Map out a direction for yourself, including salary requirements, preferable job duties, and how much time you are willing to devote to a career. Research your options and then go for it!

I can’t be much help with the 15 year old son. My best advice would be to beat him.

Just kidding.

I think parents should not give a drivers license to a kid only based on the fact that it is legal for a 15 year old to have a driver’s permit. Driving YOUR car, that YOU have paid for, that YOU insure should be YOUR decision. If you feel that he is mature enough to drive around your $500/month, then I would say go for it. However, I would make it clear that being responsible enough to drive carries very expensive consequences with the tiniest mistake…and MOM AND DAD AREN’T PAYING! So maybe he should think about a job before he thinks about a license. Something close enough to walk to since you will be too busy losing Chunk’s cousin to drive him to work. 😉

Good luck and thanks for playing!