I did it. I finally finished my Christmas shopping, and there is even time to spare (which is good because I just lied to you…I have one more person to buy for, but it will take all of 15.3 seconds, so shut it)! AND…I started wrapping the presents last night, but only got through half of one before my attention span slapped me in the back of the head, knocking me unconscious.

So I went to my parents’ house last night to bake Christmas cookies (I was a busy girl last night) and my mom made me go through a few things I left at their house when I moved out (and by a few things, I mean garbage bags full of clothes, shoes, a fishing pole, a boxing glove, a tripod…). Almost all of the clothes were from two sizes smaller ago. I wanted to cry. BUT…I didn’t because my mom is the greatest cheerleader that ever shook a pom pom. I didn’t even eat any of the cookies I baked. Thanks, Mom.

This post is boring. I’m falling asleep on myself! I basically just wanted to write today to wish you a Merry Christmas! And…since I didn’t mail out my Christmas letter, I will post it right now…stop looking in your mailbox, it won’t be there.


My cousin and I threw a New Year’s Eve party where I made it my personal mission to empty all unfinished champagne glasses…into my mouth. The year got off to a smashing start.

I had a boyfriend for two minutes. Okay, two months. I didn’t have to spend Valentine’s Day alone. However, I must admit that I mourned the absence of me, alone in my kitchen, cutting chains of hearts out of construction paper whilst simultaneously bonding with a bottle of raspberry merlot. (Hmmm…I detect a theme here…)

The luck of the Irish extended its charm to the likes of this not-so-Irish-girl. I made friends with a bartender and scored a free t-shirt, danced with strangers, and stated my case for passing out in the back yard of a house I don’t live in (perhaps AA should fall somewhere between April and December).

I spent my birthday as “that bridesmaid” functioning on two hours of sleep. Also, Neighbor Bob tried to kill his wife. I’m not sure if he was successful in this endeavor, but on the day that I moved out, he was digging a big hole in the back yard.

Due to some questionable extra-curricular activities going on in Neighbor Bob’s house, I moved out. It took some adjusting during the month of May what without all the crazy neighbors. However, I found myself taking pleasure in sitting on my back porch until dusk…that is until the bats came out and swooped over my head. I screamed like a little girl and ran inside. Now I just sit in patio chairs in my living room which works out swimmingly…this is year two without a couch.

I quit my old job and started a new one at the Cleveland Clinic where I work with an individual who farts when he walks by my desk and then pretends no one hears it. His farts smell like McDonald’s french fries, which does wonders for my diet.

I went mud diving on a golf course with clowns. You think I’m joking, don’t you?

I didn’t dress up for Halloween, but went to a party anyway. I started seeing a new guy, and by seeing, I mean I just looked at him sometimes until my actions bordered on creepy and then I wandered to a different room.

Gobble Gobble (Chunk says hi).

Right now I am appalled at the amount of tinsel that is draped on a Jewish elf playing “Dreidle Dreidle Dreidle” on the violin. He just drank my last bottle of wine (bastard!). Also, I think I see Santa trying to choke the neighbor’s Cleveland Brown’s mascot with a Terrible Towel…Hi Santa! …oh, wait. Hi Dad.

All my love this Holiday Season…Nikol