I don’t want to be here. I want to go back to the hours that were spent about three days ago, or even yesterday would do….before the hundreds of emails waiting for me, and the meetings that need to be scheduled right now if not five minutes ago, and the piles of, “Nikol, can you do this for me?” and “would you mind…?” and “Nikol will do it, just give it to her”.
Because three days ago I was eating lunch or breakfast or wrapped up in a blanket wearing my sweats or laughing about something or everything, watching a movie, riding a shopping cart, being held in arms that know what a hug should feel like and then go beyond the call of duty. I wasn’t thinking about work. I wasn’t thinking about anything but the moment, and it is infuriating to think about how many moments in my life go by without notice, without that mental picture etched somewhere in my brain like a work of art in progress.
And now, when I should be focused on incoming faxes and PDF files, I am really just memorizing the way the colors run into each other on the left side of a canvas where his eyelash meets the top of his cheekbone when he blinks, and the way the corner of his mouth makes my stomach flip when he smiles.
Some things are worth stealing.