I am convinced that cops make it their sole duty to seek me out. A little voice whispers into their ears, “look, there’s Nikol…she just spent her entire paycheck on her living expenses, PULL HER OVER!” So much for whispering.

This morning I made it into downtown without so much as a slow down. I’ve conquered the morning commute by finding alternate routes that allow much more sleep and slamming of the snooze button. I was all smiles as I passed by the sea of brake lights and frustration. Once I was in town, I stopped briefly at a red light before turning right onto E 9th street. I instantly noticed police lights flashing in my rear view mirror, and this is what I said out loud to no one but me, “what! I didn’t even do anything wrong this time!” I was ready to fight, but I knew I needed to flash that “Good Morning, Officer, let me kiss your ass” smile. And I did. And it worked.

To bring even more joy into my morning, he informed me that their database shows that my last traffic violation was in 2004. As we all know, this is not true as I just paid $400 in speeding tickets from stupid cameras that have taken over Cleveland’s intersections. Fortunately, these violations don’t show up on your record…they only make you poor. So, it probably wasn’t my charm (big surprise there) that got me out of the ticket this morning…just an oversight in their system. Regardless, Happy Thanksgiving to me!!

(So I just thought of that cashier in “You’ve Got Mail” that Tom Hanks says happy thanksgiving to, and she says, “Appy Tanksgibbing to you”, and now I can’t say it right. Also? She is now playing Callie on Grey’s Anatomy. Weird.)