My friends affectionately referred to me as a “Kissing Slut” a few years ago when I was newly unleashed and went rampant on single men across the country, Canada and Mexico. So when I read Christine’s comment yesterday, I couldn’t stop laughing.

It is true…I love to kiss. It’s at the top of my “Favorite Things” list where drinking cake batter and licking melted chocolate from a bowl like a kitten live (Neighbors include, but are not limited to: the crackle of a record on a turntable, the smell of fall and a campfire on a summer night – in case you were wondering). I wouldn’t say I’m slutty about it anymore. Seriously, kissing…a slut does not make…if we’re getting technical. I mean, and I only do it now on occasion…like when I’m on a date and it’s evident that the guy is just not going to step up to the plate and curiosity has the best of me (okay, so it has all of me) and something needs to be done because how many more dates are we going to have before we kiss, damn it?! So…I say to myself, “Self? Either kiss this man or tell him you need to be kissed right now. Ready….go.”

And that’s how it’s done.

I mean, the first kiss is like the beginning and the end wrapped into one greatly anticipated surprise. If it completely sucks, you can probably give it another shot, but more than likely it’s just going to still completely suck. There are exceptions, of course (so I hear) but I’ve never stuck around long enough to see for myself (because I am just not that patient, and it is that important to me. Yes, I am a shallow bitch. Whatever). But if it’s good…well, there’s no telling what could happen.

A good kiss is potential for cloudy decision-making processes and poor judgment. A good kiss can easily make you overlook things about a person that you would have never upheld as acceptable behavior before the kiss that blew your mind. Pretty soon you’re watching poker (insert whatever pertains to you here: golf, football, if you’re a guy it might be “What Not to Wear”…) on TV for five hours or he just took your keys out of your hand and is now driving your car and you’re letting it slide because, well, he’s a good kisser. The list just goes on and on…

Good kissing is dangerous, people. It’s exciting, sure, but things can just get messy.

Good thing I’m kind of a mess already.