My name is a slutty stripper whore. I am completely devastated right now. I’ve always loved the way my name looks on paper. My parents did a fine job of making the letters fit nicely together, mostly straight, sharp lines. I am obsessed with looking at my name in print, not because I’m narcissistic, but because I’m narcissistic.

Curiosity got the better of me and I did a blog search for “Nikol”. I wanted to see if there were many people that spelled their names this way. Yes, there are many people who spell it this way, and the majority of them are porn stars. My name is a porn star.

This reminds me of the first guy I dated (two whole dates) after I was separated from my ex. He asked me what the name of the first street I lived on was because that, evidently, was my porn name. Wouldn’t you know the first street I lived on was “Honeytown”? He declared that this was “Sweet!”, and he had this stupid grin on his face like I was indeed going to let him video tape me eating a popsicle (obviously, I don’t know much about porn).

I need to redeem my name. I need it to be special again, and not “look-at-my-plastic-boobs-don’t-you-want-to-watch-them-float”, special. Ugh.