I know you are reading this, and I just want you to know that I’m glad. Not because I want what I can never have, or because I am living in the past. I don’t even know those people anymore. But somewhere beyond all that, we share something more than time. I don’t know how to explain it; I just know that I find peace in it.

I know you are happy now, and while I wish you could have been happy without making me less than whole…I want this for you. I smile for the life you have found. Because if I live the rest of my life with part of me missing, at least I will know that the part that is missing has found a home. I don’t know if what’s left of me will ever settle; I’ve become accustomed to wild.

I want you to know something in case I never get a chance beyond right now to say it.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the person I was at the worst of times. I’m sorry for not knowing how to bridle passion, whether in love or in anger. I’m sorry for words that should have never been spoken and for words that never reached the space between us to mend what was broken. I’m sorry for trying too hard and for not trying hard enough. I don’t hate you for leaving. I don’t know how to do anything but love you. I know we will never speak again, but I just wanted you to know.

I wanted you to know that I have kept the innocent moments close, because moments like those only happen once in a lifetime. Thank you for those.

And so this is me giving closure to a wound that was left open and sore. I love you for all that was beautiful and sweet, I thank you for being the love in my life when so many are left to live in this world without such a gift even once, and I forgive you for being human…because at the end of the day we all need forgiveness.

I can’t help but think that when this life ends, I’ll find my way by candlelight.

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