Steelers were off this week, so I had a football-free weekend. I came into work this morning to check week 4’s stats, and was pleasantly surprised to see that the Browns WON! Now, don’t take this as a conflict of interest remark; I’m still a Steelers fan to the grave. But I really want the Browns to do better this season…I enjoy a good rivalry. And to be honest, with Pittsburgh playing the way they have been…we might just meet in the middle somewhere.

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One of the things my second job consists of is entering injuries into a computer database. Over the weekend I was typing away, half paying attention, and half daydreaming about what it would be like to have suction cups for feet, when the nurse’s notation caught my eye:

“Assessed bruise for pain”

Is it just me or are you also having visions of the nursing staff poking at this poor handicapped man’s bruise saying, “does this hurt? How about now? What about when I do this?”

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I want to take this opportunity to congratulate every one of my friends who has gotten engaged recently. I love you, I am happy for you, I wish you only the very best, and if one more of you tells me this in the next 6 months I will jump into my bathtub with an assortment of electronic devices attached. Okay, maybe I’ll just cry a little bit and then go shopping for your gift, but whatever.

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God told me it was time to grow up. He gave me another grey hair. I plucked it out and then set fire to it in my “red current” scented candle while doing a sacred dance in a circle. It’s called the You-Can’t-Make-Me dance. Yeah, I know He controls time, but I’m not afraid of being bald.

(P.S. I didn’t really do this, but it was fun envisioning that one, eh?)

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