Last night I pulled in the parking lot to my apartment complex, put my truck in “park” and seriously considered leaning over until I was in a horizontal position, closing my eyes and falling asleep until morning. The thought of carrying my bag up one flight of stairs and walking to my bed was just too exhausting. I persevered, though, and I even felt ambitious enough to pop in a DVD…although I couldn’t tell you which one it was or that I was awake through the opening credits…because Detroit kicked my ass and I slept for 3 hours.

I looked in the mirror when I got out of the shower this morning (this is something I rarely do these days, as the dimples of fat in my thighs are foreign to me, and I would rather pretend they don’t exist) and I said to my jiggly body, “I will break you” (in the voice of Drago from Rocky IV, of course). I have spent the past two days dancing. There are two things in life that involve physical exertion…okay, three things in life that involve physical exertion that I enjoy participating in and will participate in without being forced or coerced with free stuff…like t-shirts. I do not work out, but if I ever decide to, the only way I can actually stick with it is if it involves one of these activities: Dancing or Horse-back riding. The third physical activity I enjoy is, of course,sex, but it’s not something I’m guaranteed to enjoy…or do, so it really doesn’t count.

So I danced. A lot. And now my body is screaming obscenities at me. However, since I’m already sore, I think I am going to ride this one out and sign up for some time at the local dance studio. Chunk’s got rhythm, and the choreographer is hot. Obviously, the planets are aligned.

I took some pictures this weekend, but I will have to post them later because it is going to take me awhile to put together in my mind what night was which and who said what to whom, because the only thing that I can remember specifically and with a pristine clarity from the entire weekend is when I was standing in the middle of a department store talking to three of my friends. I was attempting to tell a wonderful story when a woman walked by us completely obliterating my focus because she was sporting the worst camel toe I had ever witnessed in my life. And because I have a heart made of gravel, I could not stop laughing.

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