..I went to a gym. And I ran on a treadmill. And I’m sure I looked a little bit stupid…because I was the only girl in the place. And when you’re the only girl in a gym, you just feel stupid. Ask any girl. Unless she’s one of those girls who buys special outfits with belly shirts because she has the perfect body, and by perfect I mean I could break her in half with my right leg. And I hate it when guys look at you like they look at you. You know what I’m talking about. And then I went on the elliptical machine. And it made this loud, screechy-grindy sound with every rotation of the wheel thing. And then the guys looked at me some more. Because I was making the machine loud. But they shouldn’t have cared because one of them was grunting, “uuuuuuuuuuuunnnngghhhhhhh” with every lift of the free weights. And then I was looking at the guy like, “you’re a dumbass.” And the guy at the front desk was nice to me. So I flirted with him. Especially when he said, “why did you decide to come here?” and I said, “to lose weight” and he said, “you don’t need to lose weight” and then I jumped over the desk like a kangaroo and put him in my pouch and bounced away with him. I didn’t, really, but I thought about it. And then I almost asked him out. But then I didn’t. Because he gets paid to say that to the chunky girls. I don’t care, though. I’m going to get skinny. Tonight is Round 2.

Ding Ding!