It happened this morning. Or maybe it happened last night. I can’t be sure. But the switch has been flipped in my brain, and I can feel it happening as I type this…the rage. I noticed it when I slowly rolled myself out of bed and then scowled all the way to the bathroom. I noticed it when I got out of the shower and almost cried because I looked into the mirror and realized that I had to spend the next 30 minutes making improvements on the reflection. I noticed it when I bent over to pick up my shoes and seriously considered lowering myself to the floor to curl up in a ball to disappear. I thought about sucking my thumb.

The doctor told me to take vitamins and this would help ease these symptoms. So for the first couple weeks of the month, I was religiously popping the vitamins with my morning chocolate milk. However, the past week my focus has vanished, and now I fear it may be too late. Perhaps that was a warning sign since lack of focus seems to be another symptom.

This morning, the garbage that needs to be taken to the dumpster angered me, the folded laundry sitting on my table waiting to be put away angered me, my empty refrigerator angered me, the negative balance in my checkbook enraged me, the elevator didn’t open fast enough, the lady in front of me didn’t walk fast enough, it’s only 8:23am and not 4:30pm which causes me to seriously consider swallowing the clock and then shitting it out on the company logo printed in bold colors on the sheets of letterhead that sit in a pile before me, my stomach is cramping and my period is not due for another 10 days, last night people tried to have conversations with me and I had visions of flinging my wine across the room in an attempt to create colorful merlot splashes on their beige painted walls, and my boss just asked me to page someone and I entered the wrong number. This makes me want to pull my hair out and paste it randomly on my cubicle walls with rubber cement…just to validate my insanity.

I feel utterly out of control, and I know in 10 days the switch will be flipped again, and a peaceful calm will spread over me in spite of the fact that my uterus will be threatening to fall out and I will mourn another months worth of wasted eggs. It will not matter because at least I will not be this psycho person suffering from an extreme case of PMS.

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