- Don’t get hired for a part-time job.
- Imagine myself walking into establishments with application in-hand, dropping to the floor and thrashing about while screaming and wailing, “PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE HIRE ME!!!!!”
- Rethink that because this might not be the best way to land a part-time job.
- Consider looking for new full-time job.
- Decide that this kind of decision calls for drinking and dancing with friends and a boy.
- Get stood up by boy.
- Go out with friends anyway
- Attempt to drink like a lady through straw, but miss mouth and pour drink down chin, neck, then shirt.
- Continue dancing with wet shirt.
- Feel very strongly that Nan should have a wet shirt too, so dump rest of drink down her boobies.
- Laugh because she doesn’t even care that I just did that.
- Conclude that THIS among so many other things, is why I love her.
- Watch Cavs lose against the Pistons
- See how high my dirty dishes can pile before they all come crashing down in a shower of broken glass and dried food.
- Get hit on by 38 year old drunk man with bad tan lines on his face.
- Decide that I shouldn’t pass up a good thing and engage in conversation with drunk man.
- Give drunk man my phone number because he asked for it, and isn’t that the logical thing to do when confronted with an opportunity such as this?
- Pray that drunk man never calls me.
- Go to Serbian soccer game and watch skinny guy get knocked in the face with opposing-team-boy’s shin.
- Watch blood gush everywhere and think about puking.
- Eat lunch with Nan instead.
And ice cream.
- Think about writing a strongly worded letter to Chunk asking him to vacate his current living space.
- Realize I’m too lazy to get up off my ass and look for a pen and paper in all the boxes.
Chunk can’t read anyway.
- Get phone call from boy who stood me up.
- Go to movies with boy.
- Forgive him for standing me up.
- Vow to myself that I will, in fact, look for new full-time job.
And get one.
- Hum the tune from He-Man in my head because by the Power of Grayskull, I can.