• Don’t get hired for a part-time job.
  • Imagine myself walking into establishments with application in-hand, dropping to the floor and thrashing about while screaming and wailing, “PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE HIRE ME!!!!!”
  • Rethink that because this might not be the best way to land a part-time job.
  • Consider looking for new full-time job.
  • Decide that this kind of decision calls for drinking and dancing with friends and a boy.
  • Get stood up by boy.
  • Go out with friends anyway
  • Attempt to drink like a lady through straw, but miss mouth and pour drink down chin, neck, then shirt.
  • Continue dancing with wet shirt.
  • Feel very strongly that Nan should have a wet shirt too, so dump rest of drink down her boobies.
  • Laugh because she doesn’t even care that I just did that.
  • Conclude that THIS among so many other things, is why I love her.
  • Watch Cavs lose against the Pistons
  • See how high my dirty dishes can pile before they all come crashing down in a shower of broken glass and dried food.
  • Get hit on by 38 year old drunk man with bad tan lines on his face.
  • Decide that I shouldn’t pass up a good thing and engage in conversation with drunk man.
  • Give drunk man my phone number because he asked for it, and isn’t that the logical thing to do when confronted with an opportunity such as this?
  • Pray that drunk man never calls me.


  • Go to Serbian soccer game and watch skinny guy get knocked in the face with opposing-team-boy’s shin.
  • Watch blood gush everywhere and think about puking.
  • Eat lunch with Nan instead.

And ice cream.

  • Think about writing a strongly worded letter to Chunk asking him to vacate his current living space.
  • Realize I’m too lazy to get up off my ass and look for a pen and paper in all the boxes.

Chunk can’t read anyway.

  • Get phone call from boy who stood me up.
  • Go to movies with boy.
  • Forgive him for standing me up.

This time.

  • Vow to myself that I will, in fact, look for new full-time job.

And get one.

Now, please.

  • Hum the tune from He-Man in my head because by the Power of Grayskull, I can.