I was thinking this morning, during my commute to work, about the Jetta. I was thinking about all the memories that are connected to that car, and how I don’t have it anymore. It was my first “big” purchase, the first taste of what it’s really like to have responsibility, when it’s important to keep a job longer than a month and a half in order to make the car payment. It’s like having a fireball in your mouth…it tastes really good for awhile, and then it’s just too much and you have to spit it out into your hand.

I had that car when I was engaged, and when I drove back and forth to TN to visit my fiance until he moved to Cleveland to marry me. We drove that car during our first Christmas together, our first Easter. I dreamed of driving babies around in that car, and then my dreams were shattered shortly after I shattered the front end driving into his Chevy. I drove that car to my parents’ house the day we told them we were separating, and I drove it the day I watched him walk away…knowing in my gut it would be the last time I would allow myself to watch him walk away. How strange, “This is the last time I will see the back of his head. “

I hit a deer, some woman’s back end, and a water spout with that car. A bird flew into the sunroof on the way to an Aerosmith concert with Miss and Nan, and we screamed like little bitches, flailing our arms over our heads until the bird got bored with us and flew away.

Countless conversations I wouldn’t take back. Ever:

“I just don’t know if I love you like you need to be loved”, “You’re having sex?! You’re being careful, right?”, “You are my best friend”, “How do I breathe when you’re gone?”, “I’m so grateful God put you in my life”, “There’s something you should know…”, “I can’t wait to dance!”, “I need a drink”, “You’re going to drink with me, right?”, “Is he Serbian?”, “I can’t believe they had sex in my car!”, “Seriously, you’re spilling taco all over the seat”, “You are the sister I never had”, “This is where I went to school”, “This is where we lived”, “I made out there once”, “Do you want to eat?”, “Wanna go to McDonald’s?”, “What if we get there and end up wanting to move there?”, “That was the best time of my life so far!”, “I can’t wait to go back next weekend”, “I wonder what he’s doing right now”, “Are you hungry?”, “I can’t believe you kissed him!”, “Listen! It’s our song!”, “I need a beer”, “wanna go out when we get home?”, “Do you think he thinks about me?”, “I don’t want to be alone right now”, “you totally wanted him!”, “I can’t believe I fell off that barstool”, “….”, “I love you so much”

Here’s to six more years of new memories.

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