So my cousin, Natankoslav, and I were driving around this afternoon removing poles from the ground. It was work-related, I swear. And as usual, we were discussing all the things we want to do, as we do every time we’re driving around. We decided that we are going to take a trip to Yugoslavia and stay with a host family in a remote village and learn gypsy songs and have the babas read our coffee cups. The conversation ended abruptly when Natankoslav thought I wouldn’t notice if he passed a little gas. I traveled the rest of the trip with my head out the window, while he simply sighed and said, “I’m sorry. I do apologize, but it’s just a bit of flatulence.” How do you say “I hate you.” in Serbian? I’ll need to know this for our trip.

Also, on our way back, we observed several little street urchins bathing in rain water in a ditch. In their clothes. Covered up to their necks in mud. I wanted to be 5 years old again. And then Natankoslav brought it to my attention that they were probably swimming in sewer water. But I don’t even care, my kids will totally swim in sewer water if it keeps them happy. I’ll be Mother of the Year for sure! And then he farted again. Ja mrzim te, Natankoslav.

not really, I really love you but stop trying to poop your pants in public, mkay?