I went to my seamstress yesterday to get my bridesmaid dress fitted for Kelly’s wedding…and I gained weight. I know you are all shocked by this because as we all know it is impossible to gain weight when you eat Taco Bell and McDonald’s and chocolate almost every day, but alas…the world is all topsy turvy these days, and nothing makes sense. But don’t you worry, Kel, she’s fixing me right up, and I’ll be a sight to behold as I roll down the aisle on your wedding day. The good news is I’m pretty tan…and by the wedding I’ll be nice and crisp…so at least the flab won’t be pale and wintry.

Maybe I should just start drinking now.


He is not dead. I’ve heard him cough up his mucus several times in the past few days, and then I heard him yelling at the television during a baseball game. HOWEVER, I have not heard his wife. I fear that she is gone forever.

Other than that…nothing new. I started a new book because I joined a new book club. I’m turning into a Super Nerd Hermit Girl, but I’m tired of partying all the time. So when I contacted this book club, the woman told me that their youngest member is 41. Most of them are old school teachers and women. Seriously, can I think of anything else I could possibly do to sabotage God’s plan in finding me a suitable husband? Maybe there is a shuffleboard club I could join for the summer…