I watched Oprah. She makes me cry all the time, and you’d think after all the tears I would just damn her to Hades and not be her friend anymore. But I can’t help myself. I love the bitch.

So yesterday on her show (in case you didn’t watch it) she was celebrating the show’s 20th anniversary. She was reflecting on her favorite guests, and I must say, they are my favorites now too. One woman who had breast cancer made over 100 video tapes for her daughter so that as she was growing up, she could watch her mom on tape and still get all the advice and mother/daughter stuff even though her mom is dead. After her mom died, her dad remarried, and this amazing girl welcomed the woman into her family because her mother told her on one of the tapes that when she got to heaven she was going to search for a soul that belonged with daddy! OMG I was weeping. How amazing was this woman?! Anyway, the dad remarried and now they are having a baby, and the daughter wrote this woman a letter when she was only 10 years old and called her Mom. That’s one strong little girl.

And then…there were different celebrities on talking about how much they love Oprah, and Gwyneth Paltrow said if Oprah ran for president, she would vote for her. Now I don’t take much Gwynnie says seriously because she named her daughter after the forbidden fruit, but I just might agree. I would probably vote for Oprah too. But don’t get too excited. She said she’s not going to run for office.

Later in the evening I managed to get clear reception on channel 3 and Will & Grace was on. I haven’t watched tv in so long I didn’t even know Grace was pregnant! But divine forces were at work because it just so happened that last night was the episode where Britney Spears was a celebrity guest. Now, y’all know I have a love/hate relationship with Brit, but I gotta tell you…I think she is a WAY better actress than she is singer or mother! I wouldn’t mind watching her on tv every now and then. Of course, I hear “Chaotic” was a grave mistake, but everybody knows that reality tv sucks anyway, so I’m not counting that.

I also Continued to read my current novel choice, “Running With Scissors”. I bought this book a few years ago before all the talk of Brad Pitt playing the central character in an upcoming movie. But now that I have this information, I am motivated to finish reading this memoir. And let me tell you…I can’t believe this is a MEMOIR! Let me give you a little taste of the madness that is this boy’s life (not Tobias Wolf…Augusten). In a scene that I read last night, the psychiatrist that Augusten lives with decides that God is talking to him and sending him messages through his poop. So every time this guy shits, he makes the whole family come look at it to determine what God is saying. He then makes his daughter scoop it out of the toilet and carry it out back to the picnic table to dry. He’s hoping by the end of the week, he will be able to decipher the message. First of all, if I pooped every day, I would KNOW that God was telling me he loved me and I’m a good girl…because as it stands, I poop every 3-4 days and I believe that God is telling me he loves me but I’m in Time Out right now. Secondly, if this book is a true story, I am so happy that this guy is going to make millions from his book sales and now the movie because he deserves it after the life he’s lived! Whew!

Oh, and yesterday I watched “Return to Me” with Minnie Driver and I bawled my eyes out because her grandpa tells her “It’s those with the strongest character that God gives the most challenges. Take that as a compliment, Young Lady”.

I’m trying. Really.