But I trust Him. Completely.

Even when people leave unexpectedly, or when I don’t know if I’m going to be able to afford a loaf of bread, or the people I love are hurting…I still trust Him. I have to. Faith is what keeps me waking up day after day.

But I still wonder why. I wonder why He takes people out of our lives just when we think they are our reason for being on this earth. Maybe that’s why He takes them…because our reason for being here is to praise Him. I don’t know. What I do know, is my couisn’s husband died in his sleep two nights ago…his young boys found him in bed, dead, yesterday morning. My cousin and he were seperated, but they were finally getting to the point where they found each other again…and they were working everything out. And then he died.

All I can think is what would I have done? When my ex-husband and I were seperated and going to counseling and “dating” and trying to work things out…if he would have died in the middle of all that…I don’t know what I would have done. I don’t know what I would have felt. I don’t know how I would have kept my faith. And yet I’m sure God would have been talking to me…but would I have heard HIm?

I really have no point, but I just wanted to say that I still believe that God knows what He’s doing…the fact that I don’t understand sometimes, just means that I’m human. And maybe I don’t need to know. And I just wanted to say to Jula…I love you. And God will take care of you. And when you want to crawl into a tiny hole and cry until your tear ducts fall out, He’ll let you…and then He’ll give you the strength to come out and breathe again.

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