I’m quitting my job, and moving in with him. He asked me to marry him last night, and after thinking it over for about 5.75 seconds, I said “YES!!!”

The ring is BEAUTIFUL! I’m having it appraised, but it looks like it’s worth no less than $13,000.

To top it all off, I’m pregnant! That’s why I’m quitting my job…he says I don’t have to worry about a thing…he will take care of all my needs. He prefers that I stay indoors anyway, so that no other men can look at me. He’s the jealous kind, you know. Isn’t that so sweet?? He says not to worry about everything that has happened in the past. He loves me! And even though he said he might slip up and have a girlfriend on the side every now and then, not to worry! I’m the one he’s going to come home to!

You guys should see the house!! It’s GORGEOUS! I mean, how could I have ever doubted him! There’s even an alarm system that has a seperate bracelet for me to wear so he can track my every move so he knows what I’m doing at all times. Isn’t that cool? This is really good for me, I think, because I’m not very smart, and I might do something I might end up regretting. Seriously, what would I DO if I had to think for myself?

Really, you guys, I don’t even have to use my brain cells anymore. I’m just going to be programmed to do whatever the person holding the remote tells me to do. I think that’s best, don’t you?

Who’s got the remote?

P.S. This is not aimed towards the people in my life who know me and love me. You guys rock. This is me being a sarcastic bitch. That’s the beauty of having a blog, I guess.