Cowboy and I are through…for good.

Turns out he’s been pretending to be in a relationship with me for the past two months, and the entire time I was the “other woman” and didn’t know it. He has been emailing his girlfriend every night telling her that he loves her and misses her (she’s in Iraq) and can’t wait for her to get home…and then he drives to my apartment and fills my head with bullshit about loving me and wanting to start a life with me. This whole time he’s been saving up money to buy her an engagement ring. Not that it’s any of my business, but if she marries him, she is nuts.

The thing that really blows my mind is that for two months I have been asking him why he’s never had me over to his apt. He’s had several excuses, and I would just let it go, figuring I would bring it up again later. I found out this weekend that he LIVES with his girlfriend’s family! He even shares their cell phone plan. This explains why he never answered the phone when I would call, and would only text message me unless he was in his car.

So many things are coming together right now that mind is a blur. Yes, I’m upset. But I think in some way I knew something wasn’t right…I just didn’t know what it was. What bothers me the most is that even after everything came out into the open, he STILL made it all about him. Poor Cowboy. I don’t understand how a person could treat other people like this. A part of me still thought he would have called me last night to try to apologize because for whatever reason I think there is good in him. But I guess that is my flaw. Because I realize now that someone who could do this is lost. And if there IS any good in him…I don’t want to stick around to look for it.

There is so much more that I’m not going to write here because first, I can’t focus on one thought right now, and second, I feel like an idiot. But Friends…there is one thing that I DO know. I was willing to let my guard down for the first time in four years with this man. I can honestly say I am done. If there is a man out there who is meant to love me, the poor guy is going to have to walk through fire for me to even acknowledge that he is standing in front of me, because I am so done.