I can’t seem to let Fern go. He is dead, and I refuse to carry him down to the treelawn with the trash so that the Cleveland Sanitation Crew can chuck him into their Death Machine. I needed reinforcement…so I went to Mom. She said that she might be able to save Fern!!!! So, tomorrow I am going to take him to her house to see if she can work a miracle and bring him back to life. I mean, he’s all I got in this world, and he’s all the man that I need…whoa whoa! (Sorry, just a little Whitney to let you know how deeply my love runs for this plant.)

Chunk is at a stand-still. He hasn’t budged for about 4 days, and it’s either Katrina’s fault (because she’s turning the whole freaking country upside down…and making gas prices skyrocket…not to mention leaving people dead, hurt and homeless) or it’s PMS’s fault. I’m going with Katrina (Bitch). So, again, I went for reinforcement last night. I turned to Billy Blanks.

8 Minutes of Tae-Bo Glory, and my heart was racing, and Neighbor Bob got the pleasure of hearing my dainty footsteps pattering through his ceiling. By dainty, I mean my feet were pounding on the floor like a clog dancer with club feet, and by pattering, I mean the whole room was shaking. But whatever, I’m skinny. So because I’m obsessive, I weighed myself after Billy told me it was time for a cool-down (which really meant it was quitting time, so I got an iced tea), and if you can freaking believe it, I weighed MORE! Bite me, Billy. I hate your stupid skinny exercise crew and your G.I. Jane daughter with the freakish muscles.

Then…I finished reading a book (“My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Piccoult) and cried my eyes out. C’mon! How much is a girl expected to endure in one day?! There was one line that really got me, and I’m going to paraphrase here….”Children aren’t ours to keep. God lets us borrow them for awhile, and I would rather have the 12 short years I’ve had, than to never have had children at all.” So I cried myself to sleep praying that God would not let me live my life without being a mommy. Because it’s really the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be that matters.

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