You smell disgusting…you know, like…fish. And then there are those veiny, dark pieces that make me wonder what the “tuna companies” are really putting in those cans. Not to mention that you taste like I’m chewing on my own shredded armpit, drenched in miracle whip. I’m sorry, but even miracle whip can not prevent me from gagging every time I put the fork to my lips. “They” tell me that you are high in protein…which I need for this stupid diet because I can’t have my double cheeseburgers and french fries anymore. So I’m trying to eat healthy, but all you do is make me want to be bulimic. Seriously, I might as well be eating regurgitated oatmeal…actually, that would taste better…it’s a starch.

I’m writing this little note to inform you that I will not be partaking in your putridness anymore. So swim freely, little fishees…until some other diet-crazed tuna-eater finds you. You are safe with me.

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As far as the diet goes…I get to add a fruit on Saturday. I’ve never been so excited to eat an apple in my life! I feel like Eve (Hey, Adam! Want some? hehehehe)…it’s so naughty and forbidden right now, but Saturday, I will be in paradise. Seriously, People, food deprivation messes with your mind! I’m losing my marbles, like Toodles in the movie “Hook”. I love that movie. I love Neverland (that movie too)…I always think it would be awesome to go there. Maybe after I get to my goal weight, I’ll be so loony that I will really BE there. Huh.

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BOYSFRIEND UPDATE:

The neighbor across the street is actually pretty hot. I’ve seen him 2 days in a row, and we still haven’t had a real conversation. Right now, we just wave and smile. Conversation might take all the mystery out of this little game we have going, so I’m layin’ low for now.

Peace Out Crumbcakes!

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