I need to go back to when I was 4, and my mom was teaching me how to get dressed. I thought I knew the rules…make sure both socks match, the buttons go in front, this shoe goes on this foot…

I just went pee for the first time today, and somehow, I put my pretty pink polka dotted panties on inside out this morning. How the hell did that happen? I had to take off my shoes, my jeans, AND my underwear so I could straighten myself out. I mean, I guess I could have worn them inside out all day, but I need SOME order in my life! Even if the organization comes in my underwear.

Shut up. I know I just said, “comes in my underwear.” You guys are sickos.