Well….NY was fun…even though we didn’t have a chance to go into the city. Instead, we chose to flirt with the only single, hot men at the wedding/reception. The waiters. Oh, and one French bartender. My favorite was Antonio…he was from Peru, and if he would have come back to the hotel with me, I would have let him kiss me. On the CHEEK! Get your mind out of the gutters, People!

Anyway…my aunt, Tina, and I decided to flirt our fun little asses all OVER that place, and it paid off. She salsa danced with Pierre and Jose while every other server stood in the doorway and watched (it was like J Lo in “Maid In Manhattan”), and I briefly danced with Pierre after Tina told him she had a boyfriend. But he frightened me when he tried to hop on-top of me and ride me like a Quarter Horse. I mean, I know I’m still chunky, but I will not be ridden like an animal (at least until after I’ve been treated to 4 dinners ,2 movies, and stimulating conversation sprinkled in for good measure)! Just kidding, Mom! I’m a virgin!

At the end of the night, Antonio asked me to meet him at a club he was going to at some hotel. I should have went, but I had to do the family thing, and ended up flirting with John somebody until 4am. It was fun, but in the end, there was no kissing. Sometimes a girl just wants to kiss, dammit!

I think the best conversation I had all weekend was about thongs. I will share it with you right now:

Me: I can’t wear thongs.
Connie: Why?
Tina: That’s all I wear.
Mom: They’re uncomfortable.
Me: They block my hole.
Connie: They WHAT?!
Me: They block my asshole.
Tina: It’s like you’re not wearing anything.
Mom: What does that have to do with anything? SO what if they block your hole?
Me: Well, it traps the gas and I can’t fart if I need to! They give me a stomachache!

This is why I don’t have a boyfriend.