I have a date Saturday.

Now this is going to be a huge test of character for me. I have to sit through the entire dinner (at a Vietnamese Restaurant….I don’t even know what this entails) suppressing the urge to pick at every little thing he does (or doesn’t do). I can’t ignore him because his fingers are too short, or his eyes are too small, teeth too straight, voice too high. I have to embrace his uniqueness…at least through a second date. Because THAT, my friends, is one date more than I normally go on. I’m basically just trying to give myself a little pep talk here, Folks, so bear with me.

Another big challenge for me is going to be doing everything in my power not to feel like a big fat stupid idiot. I mean, this guy is hot. H-O-T. And smart. Very smart. I can’t just break into a conversation about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and, “did you hear about Jude Law having an affair with his nanny?? I used to be a nanny. Did you know that? Huh? HUH?” I need to be charming and witty and pretty and skinny (Oh, God help me).

Well, enough about that for now. I’m giving myself an ulcer. Let’s talk about something else.

So really, what do you guys think about Jude Law and the nanny? I would never hire a nanny. Did you know that when I nannied for this one family, I walked in on the husband when he was changing and saw him in his tighty whities? It was gross. But the whole situation could have been misconstrued and might have caused a HUGE scandal. Especially because his wife told me how his friends were giving him grief about having me as a nanny. Whatever. There was no scandal. He was not cute, and I prefer men who wear boxer briefs, and who DON’T wear wedding rings.

Dear Jude,
You’re not even that cute. She just wants your money. I can tell from the way you have a stupid frown on your face all the time, that the sex wouldn’t even be that good. Just trying to give you a head’s up. Maybe you can get on the butler? I always thought he was more your type anyway.

Peace out,
Nanny Nikol

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