I don’t want to lower myself to the floor vertebrae by vertebrae. It makes Chunk uncomfortable, and then he starts having some sort of seizure. It scares me! I don’t like to see him like this! And, for the record, my “Powerhouse” does not feel very powerful no matter how hard I concentrate on my belly button pushing towards the floor! I like my belly button where it is, thank you!

Look, I bought your stupid Pilates DVD’s from that infomercial to Get In Shape, Girl! You know the feeling! I was hoping the set would include one of those ribbons (a pink one) with a plastic handle so that I could prance around my living room making swirls. But no. It didn’t come with killer, pink head and wrist bands…no plastic floor mat, nothing. The only accessory to your damn pilates is my body. And let me tell you…that is just not cute!!

In conclusion, I would like to suggest that in your next video you might consider using models a little more true to life. Your Twig Girl, front in center, is a dumbass. Who the hell smiles while rolling up like a potato bug and rocking back and forth like a mental patient? She’s not right. Anyone who can kick their leg behind their head and touch the floor needs to be removed from the view of the public. How about replacing her with, say, …someone with a fat roll! We need a realistic role model.

P.S. I hate when you say, “Gooood. Long, loose, legs.” Stop it.