1. Why does my right armpit sweat more than my left?

2. Why is it doing it right now?
C’mon! I mean, all I’m asking for is a little dryness!! Powder freshness! Shower cleanliness–in BOTH pits!!!! I feel lopsided, unbalanced, off-kilter. I need my V-8.

3. When is Tom Cruise going to date someone shorter than himself?
I’m sorry to say this, Tommy, but Katie is way too pretty and tall for you. Nicole too for that matter.

4. Why do I want to marry Professor Crush again? (I’m so fickle!)
Yes, it’s true. He thought I was brilliant today when I gave my presentation (I could tell. His eyes were telling me.) If I get an A, then I’ll know for sure that our love is real.

5. Why didn’t anyone else that I know (besides Nan) like the movie Crossroads? I thought Britney was actually a pretty good actress. Huh.

6. When is God going to make me famous? I’m waiting all the time.

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